22 weeks

My blogging habits really come and go in waves but maybe I will be better these last 18 weeks of pregnancy with my baby BOY!

This was actually about a month or so ago.

A few weeks ago we found out this little bundle of joy is a bouncing baby boy and ever since things have really started to feel real... and the ever-growing bump is helping with that too!

20 weeks 

21 weeks

22 weeks... today!

I had an OB appointment this morning and I was a little nervous like usual. Every appointment has felt like a milestone to us. The more good news we get, the better we feel. But sitting in the waiting room continues to bring back a flood of emotions from last November. I still can't believe I had Anna 6 months ago today.

Well, I can give another sigh of relief! Another good report! Baby boy had a great heart rate in the 140s and my belly was measuring a perfect 22. And after all the weight gain the month before I only gained 1 lb this last month... So I'm on track after all :)

This was my last appointment with my OB before she starts rotating me through all the other OBs in the practice. They typically deliver babies for their own patients but if I were to go into labor in the middle of the night the on-call doctor would be the one delivering. So it's kind of nice that I will at least be familiar with each one in case that happens.

Because this was my last appointment with her for a while (like 2 months) I wanted to make sure I asked all the questions that I could conjure up. One of my biggest questions if about delivery. Obviously...

Since I have Harrington rods from my Scoliosis surgery I had when I was 15, I cannot have an epidural or a spinal. My only other options as far as pain management with medication is IV fentanyl (or something of that nature) but the problem is that anything I get through an IV could be passed to my baby. I'm not ok with that even in small doses.

Are you getting the picture here? I'm talking about natural childbirth. This is happening.

I don't think that there is a right or wrong way to do this. If you successfully bring a baby into the world you deserve a trophy or an award or something. It's tough no matter what and I honestly believe that all moms are a special kind of super hero whether they gave birth at home in the tub or surgically by cesarean section. Good job, moms of the world. But can I be real about my fears for a minute?

I am mostly empowered by the idea of giving birth without pain meds but I am also freaking terrified. I am going to have to push a human out of my body. How is that not a little scary? Well, I have talked to some people that have done this and I hear great things which makes me feel better. But my doctor made me feel EVEN BETTER today! She told me I should read some book of self hypnosis. Sounds like a bunch of hocus pocus, I know, but it actually just relaxation and meditation methods.

Doctor said that she knows people (medical people even) that have learned it and had success! The methods help you to concentrate and relax at the same time and people say they have a painless delivery... painless! I can do that! My doctor really recommended it and said that while she doesn't normally recommend it she felt I had the kind of focus and determination that it requires. Only problem is that she didn't know the name of the book... Anyone ever heard of it?

I am actually getting kind of excited about delivery now! I am feeling empowered and motivated. I can do this :)

I would love to hear about more natural birth stories, I know they are rare in the hospital setting but I like to hear them anyways. I CANNOT wait to meet my little boy! 18 more weeks (maybe less, but hopefully not more) until I get to hold him! I'm already so in love !

Not the best Catholic blogger...

Here we are... the day after Easter. It's Monday, folks. And I didn't write a dang thing about Easter, arguably the most important week in the Church. No reflections. No well thought out analogies. Not even so much as a snap shot of Patrick and I in our Easter Sunday get-ups.

Fail.

But this week leading up to Easter was certainly a time of reflections for me. I'm an emotional person (shocking, right!?) and in my younger years (if you wanna call them that) I think I just got so wrapped up in the emotions behind Easter. Like the sad parts. Like Jesus dying. I would watch The Passion and use a box and a half of Puffs + lotion and wonder who in their right mind would not wear waterproof mascara to watch that movie. I dwelt so much on that. Gah... I was so emotional.

But my thoughts and focus this year has been on something different. And I don't know if its a sign of maturity or a results of what this last year has brought to my life... or probably both. But one thing has stuck out to me.

"Do you know what I have done for you?"

Yeah, I grew up in the Church so I have heard the same verses my whole life, I know all the songs they play during the Triduum. I got it. I know what Jesus did for me... or at least that has been my reaction for many years.

But the truth is, how can we truly comprehend the gravity of the sacrifice of Jesus? How can we even process with our simple human minds the kind of love that it takes to give yourself completely to save the souls of the unworthy?

Or... Have you ever put yourself in Mary's place? Have you taken the time to meditate on that? Can you imagine yourself as an imperfect human being able to handle that? I can't.

But then I remember a certain conversation I had with God. "God, please don't take my baby away from me, but if it is your will, I will try to find a way to accept that. I will probably be mad at you at first but if you take my baby, please heal my broken heart. But please don't take my baby away from me."

I have a feeling since Mary was about as perfect as a human can get that it went down a little more gracefully. But you get the idea.

"Do you know what I have done for you?"

I don't think my simple mind can really grasp it. But that has been my reflection, or I guess just something I keep going back to. That is deep stuff.




In other news:

Pregnancy.

WE FIND OUT IF WE ARE HAVING A BOY OR GIRL ON WEDNESDAY!!!!

Stay tuned.

Oh, and the reason we don't have a cute little picture of Patrick and I in our Easter clothes is that I almost passed out like 4 or 5 times in church, had to keep sitting down when everyone else is standing which is super embarrassing, and so I was not in the mood. Aw, the joys of pregnancy!

Happy Easter!!!

7 Quick Takes #13

Here we are again...

1. Last weekend Patrick and I began the (little did I know) daunting task of starting our baby registry. Oh. My. Gosh. It is so over whelming. Who knew there were so many choices! We have made decisions on the big stuff like the crib, stroller and car seat. So BIG sigh of relief there. I was shocked when I didn't have to do any convincing whatsoever on the MamaRoo. I actually didn't even bring it up. We just walked past it in the store and Patrick say, "I want this!" I think I have Katie thank for that!

2. This week has been drama, drama, drama at work. I do my best to not get involved but I always hear about it. Word travels fast. Anyways, the drama got stirred up because and medical assistant "confronted" a doctor and apparently was rude and aggressive about something ridiculous. Doctor was livid... to put it lightly. But it made me think, what on earth possesses a person to act out like that? I have a lot of thoughts but not all of them need to be shared. I don't get people.

This photo is not related to the above post BUT it is at work. These geese layed eggs right by the entrance to one of our office buildings and they are guarding them like crazy! All the patients were afraid to come in the front doors haha

3. I work as a nurse in a doctors office that is located inside a hospital which is the hospital I was employed at prior to my current job. So I know a lot of people in the building and sometimes that has its perks! Like on Tuesday this week when I decided to get away from the work drama and visit my friends in the echo lab. They weren't to busy so they decided to check out my baby! Isn't he or she cute sucking his or her thumb!!!? (cannot wait to find out the gender in a week or two!!!)

My sweet baby

4. I like trying new things and this week I got to try Indian food for the first time! I was a little nervous about it. Not because so much because I thought it was going to be gross but more because I was worried about how hungry I would be if I didn't end up liking it haha. And no that is not the pregnancy talking... just me and my typical appetite. But let me tell ya.. It was delish!!!

Chicken Kadahi and garlic nan

5. Spring time!!! I am so happy things are turning green again and finally warming up! Patrick and I will be working on Project Beautify Our Home all weekend long with the help of my in-laws. We got a little head start by purchasing some pots and flowers for our front door and the space between our garage doors. They are so pretty and I can't wait to get the yard looking nice this weekend!

Tiny Dancer (a kind of lily) potted on our front porch

Pink Hyacinth potted on our driveway between the garage doors. (They still need to fill in a little)

6. My friend from nursing school, Reanna, is two weeks ahead of me in herpregnancy. We don't live very close to each other but we keep up through facebook and texting and try to get together whenever possible. Well she just had her ultrasound to find out gender and we were texting before and we both think we are having boys. Then I got the news! It is a boy! TWO OF THEM!!! She is having identical twin boys! Oh my word. Word cannot describe my excitement for her and her husband. This is their first pregnancy, too, so they are blown away! Such happy news!

Reanna, me, and our other friend, Julie... back in our prime. Oh, college :)

7. Speaking of all this baby stuff... I am really starting to pop I think. Unfortunately, I'm at this weird stage between looking skinny and pregnant. My normal clothes don't fit right and I look like a diet would do me some good. But I'm still swimming in my maternity clothes. I admit to being a little vain and not wanting to look fat but right now I'm really looking forward to getting a little more shape so I won't be in between. I also just bought a maternity dress that I was hoping to wear for Easter... but I might be jumping the gun on that one. We will see though!!

Well.... this is about as exciting as life gets over here. But for much more interesting QTs go over here!

Negativity

Negativity has a tendency to rub off on me. I think I am a generally positive person but when I am surrounded by negative people I feel myself becoming negative too. I think that is human nature.

It's not that these people don't have legitimate complaints or concerns that they are talking (or gossiping?) about. I actually totally agree with them most of the time, but ugh... it brings me down.

I used to be very passive when I was younger and never showed when I was mad or frustrated. In the last several years I have become more vocal and opinionated. I think maybe I have always been opinionated but maybe not so outwardly? I don't know. All I know is that whether it is due to the people around me or not, things bother me far more than they used to. And I feel much more confident in expressing that.

So is this a flaw in my personality that I have developed or is it a strength that I should be proud of? I don't want to be passive but I don't want to be negative either. I have strong beliefs and I often feel the need to express them but I don't ever want to come across and harsh or callous. 

I have been asking myself these questions a lot recently and I can't seem to find a straight forward answer to any of them. It's been on my mind. So maybe it's something I need to work on. It's never a bad thing to take a look at yourself and evaluate your actions. I suppose that is how we grow as people. 


Random thoughts for the night :)

7 Quick Takes #12

1. I know Spring is technically here and has been for a few weeks but the Kansas City area has not yet received the memo until now. This is the first week I have seen green in... I don't know how long! And we had thunderstorms. With rain. Not snow. Rain. It's still not quite warm enough for shorts and skirts though... which is probably good because I'm so dang pale.

2. Patrick and I have been brainstorming some landscaping ideas. The people that owned our house before us didn't have much and since it was a foreclosure turned short sale... well they just weren't taking care of it. So now that our house is looking good on the inside it's time to move outside and work on that. Unfortunately, my knowledge of plants that can grow successfully in the midwest is slim to none. Apparently I only know about plants that grow in topical climates. So if you have any suggestions throw 'em at me!

3. I am 16 weeks pregnant (rounding up 2 days :)) and getting more and more excited by the day! I can't help but be a little nervous still though. I have been more worried in the last week and I'm not sure why. The only thing I can think of is that this is about how far along I was will Anna when I learned she wasn't doing well. I'm looking forward to being able to feel some movement in the upcoming weeks... that will make me feel better.

4. Oh, and I get to find out if it's a boy or a girl within the next month! yay!

5. Speaking of baby stuff... We had a shower for a friend at work. My friend kept talking about how she thought it was going to be awkward because she isn't really "friends" with most people at work. It was actually a great shower though. LOTS of people bought gifts.... like a LOT of gifts. It's amazing to me how much money people will drop when it comes to baby stuff. Maybe I need to be more generous. I will say it is very tempting to go overboard... baby stuff is just so dang cute!

6. Sister is in town this weekend. I like it when she is here. It makes me feel like I'm not so far away from home.

7. Speaking of being far from home... I am planning my trip for late May to go down to Texas. There are already big plans in place. Two baby showers that people are throwing for me AND Jimmy Buffet will be in town at the Pavilion. So obviously we are going. We never buy tickets though. There is a big green space right outside the Pavilion and we camp out there for the evening. Only bummer about it is I will not be drinking margaritas this year.... sad day. But I am so excited!!!!

Boring QTs over here. But go here for better ones!

7 Quick Takes #11

I know I have been M.I.A. recently.... again. But it was only because I knew I couldn't write anything without spilling the news!!!!

1. We are expecting!!!! Baby Gorman #2 is on the way and due to arrive into our arms in September! I can not even begin to explain the vast array of emotions that we have felt over the last couple months since we found out. Obviously there was/is a lot of excitement and joy and anticipation but there has been fear and worry that accompanied all the good feelings. I am beyond happy to report, however, that the ultrasound we had a few weeks ago should ZERO signs of any abnormalities and Baby seems to be doing very well! Praise the Lord!

Baby at 11w4d

2. Sick and tired. I, on the other hand, have not had an awesome time so far. With Anna, if I hadn't seen so many positive pregnancy test, heard the heart beat on doppler, and seen a little baby swimming around inside me on the ultrasound I never would have known I was preggo. I had basically no sickness and my fatigue was pretty mild compared to this one. I have been borderline miserable and the only thing that I can really eat without feeling bad is carbs... lots of carbs. BUT I am in a strange way very thankful for the sickness because if its a sign that Baby is doing ok in there.... I'll take it!

3. A lot of other things have happened recently that are very news worthy. For one, my dear sweet husband had a birthday! Patrick turned 27... I don't know why that seems old to me. I guess just because he is getting closer to 30 and its not that 30 is old... its just a new decade and wow. But we had a lot of fun celebrating. We went out to a fancy restaurant which was way too fancy and expensive for frugal people like us but ya know... we had a gift card so... we had to. I am not exaggerating when I tell you in was THE BEST food I have ever eaten!!! And of course I made him a cake.

So fancy!

We also bought our dining room furniture that weekend so I guess we are just big spenders now!

4. My best friend, Katie, just had her baby! She gave us all a scare when her blood pressure got too high and she had to be admitted and was told her had to stay on bed rest until she was 37 weeks and then they would induce. THEN they ended up inducing when she was only 35 weeks... for whatever reason this was a very stressful and emotional day for me. I was a mess! I was worried! And I hated that the hospital she was at was like an hour away. But great news, everything is fine! Sweet little Ellie was born and other than her weight (and having a hard time maintaining body temp due to her weight) she has not had any problems! She is strong just like mom!

5. Also, I have been anxious about where my best friend would end up getting her residency. I could not imagine her moving away right now and I know that is a little bit selfish but sometimes a girl just needs her best friend! More happy news! She isn't moving! I cried a little when I got that text because I'm crazy and clearly hormonal but I was just so dang happy! I know she wont stay here forever but I get to be close to her for a few more years and that is something to be thankful for!

Found this gem from way back in sophomore year of college! We look young!

6. Monday this week was my should-have-been due date for Anna. It was also Patrick's birthday and day one of my second trimester with Baby #2. My emotions were out of control. Getting past her due date was a sort of milestone for me. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and miss her but I'm glad that time is passing. She will not be forgotten but time is slowly healing the pain of losing her.

7. I love babies. And today I got to hold Miss Ellie! She slept the whole time pretty much but I could have looked at her sweet little face all day! That's one cute baby! 

This is me in my happy place :)

For better bloggers go here and read some sweet quick takes!

White out!

It's Tuesday... I almost never blog on Tuesday because I am almost always working. Not today, my friends! I am 25 year old nurse and I get a snow day!!!

So I guess I'll update you on my weekend and ruin my chances of a decent 7QT on Friday. Whatever.

This past Friday we had a little snow and my little sister was planning on coming up to spend the weekend with Patrick and me. Thankfully, I did some weather investigation and she timed her drive just right so that she made it safely. I should be a meteorologist.

Ya know how I was supposed to have a bunch of girls over on Friday night? yeah that got cancelled because of the weather. I wasn't that upset. I really prefer to spend my evening with Rachel and Patrick anyways! And I think I fell asleep around 9-9:30. I'm so lame... and totally ok with it!

Saturday we hung around the house in our sweatpants and I would say we were anything but productive. Wait, I did laundry! All the laundry! But other than that we sat around, watched TV, played a lot of Scrabble, I read Catching Fire (I'm not done yet so don't spoil anything like my sister tried to!), and Rachel watched the final episodes of One Tree Hill. She cried when it was over. Patrick laughed at her. It was perfect.

Patrick made chili and that man makes the best chili. I love him.

Give it up, Rosalyn... Rach isn't giving in!

Sunday we went to church. We always go to the 7:30AM mass which I realize is really early for some people but not for me. I get up at 5:30 for work at 7:00 during the week so it's not big deal. Rachel, little miss college student, hates it though. I went to go make sure she was up at 6:45 and she wasn't obviously. I shook her and said, "rachel, are you going to mass with us?" and she shook her head no and groaned. I replied with, "Let me rephrase, you have to get up. You are going to mass with us!" I will be such a great mom someday haha. It worked!

After mass we went to a local cafe for breakfast and it was delicious. If you are ever in the KC area make a trip to The Corner Cafe. They make the best food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You haven't lived until you have had it!

The rest of the day we got ready for the Super Bowl. I made an ungodly amount of food.... for 5 people. And entire crockpot of cheese dip (queso for you Texas people that know what that is), no-bake cookies, raspberry chipotle and cream cheese dip, sausage and cheese wontons. Our best friends, Katie and Steven, joined us and they brought a huge pizza and cute football shaped desserts! It was great to see them. Our weekend schedules haven't worked out recently and I am not sure we had seen them in about a month or maybe more. Katie has the cutest little bump now! I have a fear of getting fat (because I'm kind of vain) when I'm pregnant but if I can look like her than I'd be thrilled! *fingers crossed*

Now I really like football, but I was a little disappointed in the game. The Bronco's didn't show up and they blew it. They should have been more evenly matched but you never would have known that watching the game and seeing the final score. And the commercials were mediocre in my opinions. But that Budweiser commercial with the puppy... how could you not love that!?!

Now here I am sitting at home with nowhere to go... and boy, am I happy about that!!! Snow is really starting to come down. Poor Patrick had to go to work but luckily they gave him a half day. I just hope that he is able to make it home ok! The news is showing white out conditions. Prayers, please! For Patrick and everyone else that is having to be out in the nasty (yet beautiful) weather... including my mailman that just drove by and dropped off my mail... that I'm too lazy and warm to walk out my driveway to get!

She loves snow days, too.

Depending on how the day goes I may update with pictures.... we shall see what this snowy day brings!!!

9AM