Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Terror everywhere

Last week, the world watched as Paris, France fell under attack. Guns fired, bombs went off. 100+ innocent people died at the hands of evil individuals and now the rest of the world quakes in fear. 

Since that day last week we have continued to see acts of terror occur throughout the world though most cameras in the mainstream media are on Europe. This is our world right now and for my generation, a selfish generation, it is something we have never fully seen or understood. Sure, we survived 9/11. But most of us were so young that day and since then, the terror has felt very far away.

But it's moving west.

Yes, it's horrible. My heartbreaks for the people of France. But not far away there are thousands and thousands of people that live in fear every day. They are young and old and innocent and all they want is a safe place to live without fear to raise their children and give them a life that simply isn't possible in the Middle East that is constantly a threatening land.

How can we, the fortunate, turn our backs? How can we deny the the basic rights that our ancestors sought when they came to the United States? How can we look at our own children sleeping peacefully in warm beds and be ok with refusing to care for those that are cold and starving and afraid?

I understand the fear that terrorists will come here. I understand that possibility. But this event in Paris doesn't change anything. The threat has not risen from what I can tell. And really, if we are being honest, terrorists are going to make it here if they want. They probably already have. Paris does not change or increase the danger that has been here all along. 

I just can't help wondering what Christ thinks of all of this. It's not hard to imagine he is saddened not only by the terror but also by the lack of love and concern for each other. Where are all the Sammaritans?

Remember the Flight to Egypt. Remember that Mary, with Jesus the Christ in her womb, and her husband Joseph... They were refugees, too. 

Let us remember this as we prepare for our hearts this Advent. 

Saturday, November 14, 2015

2 years but the heart still hurts

Two years ago this morning I delivered my sweet little girl, Anna Marie, into the arms of her Heavenly Father. It is still by far the most difficult day of my life. I have talked about it all so many times on here so I won't lay out the details. 

Two years... In so many ways is feels like yesterday. The deep open wounds of my heart are  still gaping and painful and impossible to ignore. I feel the weight of her absence every day.  I thought by now things would not feel so sad. In the sadness, however, I have found God. 

When you lose a child there is an isolation that occurs. You carry on throughout the day and surround yourself with people but you are still alone. You smile but below the surface there is pain that no one quite understands. When no one understands you on Earth you cling to the One that knows your heart. God has pulled me through these dark days but there is a long distance ahead. 

I want to be done suffering but God has called me to suffer with Him. He has called me to lean on him and not one my own understanding. I believe He has a plan and that it right and good and perfect. Despite my quiet suffering, I will follow where He leads. I imagine Mary felt similarly after Jesus died. I have spent so much time reflecting on that. 

 I long for heaven but he has not called me there yet. One day the suffering and sadness will be over. One day we will all be called Home to the Father's arms. We will know the fullness of truth and love and peace that this world cannot know without us all running to Him.

Sweet Anna, I will be with you one day. We all will. I know you are in a place of true happiness so you do not miss me. You are with Love Himself. That brings joy to my heart. One day we will all know that kind of perfect love. I love and miss you every day my beautiful daughter!