Friday, November 14, 2014

One year ago

A year ago on this day Patrick and I said hello and goodbye to our first child. Our daughter, Anna. 

I can't help but relive that day. In a lot of way it seems like an eternity ago but the memories are vivid. I remember the long night in the hospital waiting for the moment when the labor would end and I could hold my baby girl. I was both looking forward to it and dreading it because once she was no longer inside me... It would be real.

The day she was born I cried a lot. No one should ever have to say hello and goodbye all in the same moment. Turners syndrome and the physical abnormalities that caused her heart to fail in utero took her from this world and into the next. But even though she never took her first breath she changed our lives.

Anna, you made me see how beautiful and precious every little life is. You made me let go of myself and let God's will be done. Your short life impacted more people than my long life has yet to touch.  Before you existed my love was only skimming the surface, but you and Luke have shown me how deeply that I can love my children and my husband.

A year ago today my life changed forever. I am a better person for having been your mom and I thank God everyday for the blessings He had given us through you. I miss you and love you every day of my life.

And this little guy, Luke, will grow up knowing his big sister is a little saint in heaven... He has the best guardian angel :)