Monday, September 24, 2012

Irrational Fear of Confession

Why would anyone want to sit behind a screen in a poorly lit room and tell some guy with a collar all their sins? I've heard this question before. Shoot... who am I kidding?! I have asked myself this question!!!

I will not pretend that I am holier than thou or that I've got my ducks in a row or whatever... my ducks are scattered and I'm pretty sure a few of them got lost. Going to confession is not usually something I look forward to. Actually, I have been going to confession for 15 years and it still terrifies me. Even though my wonderful Catholic husband goes regularly and I could easily catch a ride with him I'm usually just like, "Nah, I'm good." I'm totally not selling this whole confession thing, am I?

Well, I just think it's crazy how God has this way of bringing us back to him whether it be through a sacrament or scripture reading or an epiphany that we have. This weekend, for whatever reason, I decided to go with my husband to confession. I found this Examination of Conscience online and I went through each line and evaluated myself which was probably more thorough than I have EVER been. I wrote down each thing I wanted to confess 'cause even though I am afraid to tell my sins I also am afraid I will forget one (makes perfect sense, right? ha). And then I went.

I wish I could remember this particular sacramental experience for the rest of my life. I have never felt like I was in conversation with God quite like that. It was really a supernatural experience. I wasn't just kneeling there spouting off my sins and waiting for the words of absolution. I was having a legit conversation about my life and living my faith. I was consoled and felt a sense of peace. It was both strange and awesome.

I didn't walk out of the confessional feeling like a saint. I honestly never have. I just felt... good. It's like if you crash your dad's car and you are terrified to tell them and you are anticipating the wrath... and then dad is like, "I know you didn't mean to hurt the car. It's gonna be alright. Are you ok?" And then your mind is blown! That's a really crappy analogy, i know. But it's the best I got, ok! My tiny human brain was not made to understand all the glory that is God... but I like to try!

Moral of the story: Confession is awesome!

Not convinced? Well maybe this guy will help convince you. If St. John Vianney spent 16-18 hours a day hearing confessions, he must have believed it was good for something!

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