Full term! Technically.

Hello, 37 weeks! We made it to full term! It was starting to feel like this day would never come but here we are.

Patrick and I spent the weekend in Fort Scott with his family. Well.... he actually was in Pittsburg with his friends having man time, drinking whiskey, playing video games and golfing. I spent quite a bit of time with his family though. Patrick's aunt and cousin threw me a shower and it was really nice and low key. No games! yay! It was so nice to see some of his extended family that I rarely see. Only downside was that it was at my in-laws lakehouse (a little A-frame with {I KID YOU NOT} no insulation) and it was hotter than hell... Fat pregnant lady was sweating!

With my MIL

With my MIL and all the lovely hostesses

The best cookies ever.

This past Sunday we about headed to the hospital. I was having contractions.... every 4 ish mins.... for like 5 hours. I know, I know. I probably should have called the doctor at the very least but I didn't. I was not convinced they were the real deal. They definitely felt stronger than the normal Braxton Hicks I have been having since 22 weeks but they were not... painful.

So we made it through Sunday and I have continued to have contractions off and on since then. Something funny has changed since Sunday noight though. Suddenly, we are so ready. The anticipation was building and while I'm glad we didn't have to go to the hospital that night I think there was a part of us that was disappointed the night didn't result in us meeting our son. But he will certainly be here soon!

Monday, my work people threw me a shower! I am constantly amazed at the generosity of others. It was really fun and though I don't like the attention it was pretty chill. Patrick made it to the shower due to some unforseen issues that caused him to not be seen by his new Primary Care Physician. It was sort of a bummer actually but I was very glad he was there. Even though he doesn't really know anyone at my work I think it's important for the dad to be involved. I may be carrying the baby but we are equal in this.

I had an OB appointmnet today. Most of my appointments up until this point have been really uneventful which after my pregnancy with Anna... I am ok with that. But today was a little more eventful! I had my Group B Strep swab which is SO. NOT. FUN. If you don't know what that is then go ahead and google it but dear Lord don't look at images, whatever you do! After the lovely swabbing, my OB "checked" me. Now normally this is not a fun time either but it was good news!

My doctor looked very surprised and said that I was dilated to 3 cm, 50% effaced and in her words VERY soft. Sorry if this is TMI for anyone but this is big to me! And I'm a nurse so I'm literally unphased by this sort of talk.

Now, this does not mean I am going to have this baby soon necessarily. I could stay at 3cm for the next several weeks and that would not be abnormal. Or I could continue to dilate and have him in a day or two. There is really just no telling what the timeline is. Botom line... Baby Boy is coming when he feels like it.

Keep us in your prayers as we continue to prepare ourselves for this incredible new chapter in our lives: parenthood! Please and thank you :)

36 weeks... As in I'm 9months pregnant! Oh my!

Wednesday I hit the 9 month mark! 36 weeks! That means 4 more weeks until my due date!

I'm feeling pretty large these days but as far as I can tell my face still isn't fat thank goodness! AND my wedding ring still fits... My goal all along has been for me to never have to take it off! Good so far!

Things are getting rough. I have had a great pregnancy overall so I should not complain at all but if other women feel like I have felt in the last week or two I see why they act so miserable. 

I'm worried that my cankles might be permanent. I looked down at my feet this morning and thought to myself, "hey, those aren't too hideous!" So I worse a knee length dress to work. Funny thing is that I was at work for less than an hour and two people made comments like, "oh you poor thing! Your ankles are so swollen!" First of all, it makes me cringe any time someone says poor me. It makes me feel weak. And secondly... Thanks for pointing out my elephant feet :)

Cute, aren't they? And notice that I'm not wearing toe nail polish. That's because I can't reach them and I haven't mustered up enough humility to ask someone else to paint them for me... I wonder how Patrick's painting skills are when it's on a little toe nail and not a large wall???!

Also something horrible happened on Tuesday. I was walking down this long hallway at the hospital where I work. I was focusing really hard on not waddling because ya know... Nothin is cute about waddling. And I hear this clicking sound.... My shoe lace was untied. And I knew I couldn't bend down in the hallway... Publicly... In my place of business.... Gracefully. So I had to walk all the way to my destination and find a chair. And let me tell you... It still wasn't a piece of cake to tie my dang shoe!

So between the pain if my stretching pelvis, my swollen ankles, and my inability to do simple tasks like tie my shoe... I'm kind if a hot mess.

But I am grateful and I will offer up any discomfort and inconvenience for my children. The one on the way and the one that is a little saint in heaven. I often wonder how much suffering my little Anna felt as she struggled to survive in my womb. Hopefully very little or none at all but still... I am offering it all up.

I am just so happy that I have made it this far and that in a matter of a few weeks I will be holding my sweet little Luke!

33 weeks today

Every week is starting to feel like a mile stone and again... It is all really sinking in now!

Of course my very round abdomen is helping me stay in touch with reality too. It's getting to be a bit obstructive. I have accidentally hit my belly closing the door to closets, the fridge... You name it. It's pretty prominent now haha.

So prominent in fact that I have been experiencing that shortness if breath people always talk about. I mentioned in a previous post that I would be hypnobirthing. This is still true and I'm very excited about it actually but I have to practice all this deep breathing and seriously... I can't do it. There is just no room for my lungs to expand right now haha.

Patrick and I are trying to get as many things done before the little one arrives as we can. And since two of my closest friends had their babes 5 and 6 weeks early we really want to be prepared. I doubt I would go early but better safe than sorry! So we bought our deep freeze two weekends ago, the nursery is all ready (though it still needs some extra touches here and there), etc. 

We even got the pack n play set up downstairs in the living room!

One of the things I feel like I need to get done is packing the hospital bag. I have seen so many lists and stuff in Pinterest but it's just overwhelming. I don't want to overpack but I also don't want to wish I had brought such-and-such or whatever. Such a conundrum!!! Some things seem a little excessive and I'm pretty sure the hospital supplies a lot too. But anyways, I'm going to plan to get the hospital bag packed this weekend. Any advice would be so helpful!!!

Kind of off topic but my OB appt today went really well. I am just so glad that my OB is so supportive of me and my choice for a natural childbirth (though again this is only partly by choice). It's refreshing. It does give me a little added pressure though to have a smooth delivery since hypnobirthing was actually her idea!!! Hopefully all goes well!! I'm actually very excited about delivery :)

More to come!

Nesting

I have always heard that pregnant women start "nesting" before baby comes. It's like something happens in your head and no matter how tired you are mentally and physcially... you HAVE TO nest.

This struggle is real.

About 2 weeks ago, I had this sudden urge to pack a bag for the hospital. It was during the week and I knew I didn't have everything I needed so I was harrassing every person I could think of for ideas of what I should and should not bring to the hospital. I was super organized and I made this crazy list based on what people told me (and of course, what I saw on pinterest) and then.... I went shopping. I must have really been obsessing over it big time becuase Patrick could not believe I didn't empty our bank account haha

So what did I get for my hospital bag? I got 3 pairs of pajamas. 2 of them are long pants with a button up, collared top which makes me look like an old man. And the other one is a night gown and makes me look like an old woman. You think I'm kidding? Seriously, I think my grandma has one just like it in yellow. Not even lying! But they are so dang comfy! I don't think Patrick was impressed haha

I also got all travel sized toiletries. I am not one to buy that kind of stuff but I want everything ready ahead of time and I want to literally just grab my make up bag and my hair brush and go.... so I went all out! I also got some other essentials for the not-at-all pleasant part of post-baby.... I don't think I need to go into any detail there, right?

SO I came home with all my loot, packed my bag and even went as far as to make a check-list for last minute things to grab before heading out the door. This includes everything Patrick will need (becuase I know I won't be able to get him to pack a stitch ahead of time), phone chargers, camera chargers and things like that, and towels and trash bags for the car.... just in case things get.... messy. That is Patrick's biggest fear I think.

I was feeling so prepared! And then I looked at the nursery that I had called "finished" when talking to my mom probably a week before. I looked around that thought.. " this is NOT done." So ya know what I did? I went crazy. I organized EVERYTHING. I have all his clothes sorted by size and put in drawers based on size. I have the changing station all set up with literally everything I would ever need.  I organized the shelves in the closet so each shelf sort of has a specific theme (like one is breast feeding items, another one is sheets and blankets etc). I went nuts. But now it look pretty dang good!

Then, this past weekend we decided to install the carseat.... it is a month until my due date and my car seat is installed and ready to go! That is insane! That was also a bit if an adventure as Patrick did most if the work and doesn't do well with reading instructions... Which I already learned when he put the crib rails on backwards :)

I have also been a total nazi at home about the kitchen. I'm kind of on the obsessive side when it comes to a clean kitchen anyways (I have watched too much Dr. Oz, Oprah and The Doctors) but it have really taken it to the next level. There cannot be even ONE thing out of place and I Lysol the countertops probably way too much... I'm not sure there is a limit on it but if there is im probably pushing it.

So... despite the fact that today I feel like my pelvis is going to split in half from all the weight that is bearing down on it... I somehow still found a way to come home after 10 hrs of a rough day at work, cooked dinner, cleaned (and I mean REALLY cleaned) the kitchen, put laundry away, took out the recycling, showered, had a small bowl of icecream, watched an episode of Orange is the New Black on Netflix (Side note: that show is so raunchy... I don't know if I will keep watching it), and now I'm writing a blog post. And I'm exhausted.

Time to hit the lights and turn on my Hypnobirthing soundtrack and fall into deep relaxation! This mama needs it!

Pucker up little Luke! Can't wait to kiss that sweet little face :)

(Almost) 32 weeks and the story of my shining moment...

Yes, you read that correctly! This week marks 32 weeks! I'm a solid month into my third trimester with my little man and I am just so in love with him.

I am sure I have mentioned this before but things are getting very REAL now... I guess it's a good thing for it to feel more and more real everyday. I just can't believe in a few short weeks we will have our little boy at home with us!

Now for some honesty... pregnancy is rough, ya'll. I know that some people have the horrendous morning sickness and dizziness and dehydration that puts them in the hosiptal and all that craziness that I have never experienced. And for that reason alone I feel that I shouldn't complain too much. In fact, up until about a month ago I would admit that pregnancy has been a breeze! But oh boy, the swelling... the pain....

I mentioned some of that in my last post. The swelling is not really better... it comes and goes and some days are worse than others depending on how much I'm on my feet, how hydrated I am etc. The pubic symphysis pain is still pretty rough but luckily I have learned some ways to modify my movements doing everyday tasks which has really helped to lessen the severity.

Another thing about pregnancy... people stare at you. ALL. THE. TIME. If I had a dime for every stare... the little boy's college education would be paid for. Seriously, have people never seen a pregnant lady before? You guys... I'm tall with red hair so people tend to stare at me anyways because I guess there is something rare about a 6 foot tall woman with red hair. I think it's the combo of the two but I have never really asked any staring strangers yet. Maybe one day haha. But add the fact that my abdomen is rounded and caring a living thing and oh my. ALL EYES ON THE TALL REDHEADED PREGGO! I'm almost used to it now but Patrick is clearly not accustomed to it because every time we are walking somewhere together he comments on how many people are staring...

... which is fine by me as long as the keep the "big" comments to themselves. Yesterday, on our lunch break Patrick and I went to go get a chocolate chip cookie to split from the cafe in the hospital. The ladies in there sort of know me since I have worked there for 3 years now... and as previously mentioned I don't exactly blend into the crowd well. The lady at the register asked "how many more weeks?" to which I replied "about nine." She made the most horrified look on her face and said, "9 more weeks? are you sure there aren't two in there???" I assured her that there is only one. And in case that wasn't humiliating enough I then put in my order for a large chocolate chip cookie... I couldn't even enjoy it after that "size" comment. People are rude.

Now, for the story of my shining moment. Back to the who change in physical appearance thing (swelling and pain and whatnot). When it all first started about a month ago I really had a moment... not in a good way. It was one of those moments when you know you are being emotional and borderline irrational but you are crying already so you just roll with it because there is no stopping you now. haha I was laying in bed and my very sweet husband was telling me how pretty I am (this is the part where a normal sane woman says thank you, looks into those perfect blue eyes and then you share a romantic moment or something..... but instead..) and I just start bawling.... and I could see it in his eyes... he knew I was about to have a crazy pregnant lady moment. And I just said, "I don't feel pretty! My feet and ankles are huge and I have to wear grandma compression stockings and my stomach is getting huge and I'm never gonna look the same again and I hurt all the time and I still have 3 months of pain left and it might get worse and wahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"

..... that's about how it went down. I don't really know because it was irrational and crazy and I was just rambling.

And then my dear sweet husband who is a saint... A SAINT I TELL YOU!!!!..... just hugged me while I cried and told me I was beautiful and he loved me and then at some point my crazy hormones calmed down and I think I fell asleep haha.

So there you have it. My shining moment.


Pregnancy is the craziest thing I have ever done but I have the best husband in the whole world and I can't imagine a single day of this without him. Mila Kunis recently made a big deal on TV about how husbands shouldn't say that "we" are pregnant because mean don't endure everything we endure as women throughout pregnancy.... oh but they do! Just in a different way and Patrick is going through all of this WITH me. Thank God for that :)

That sweet face

Today at work I asked one of the ultrasound techs to scan me so I could see my sweet boy. They agreed even though we really aren't supposed to do that!!

I got to see the sweetest little face! I saw those cute little lips opening and closing. And that nose that is so unmistakably a trait that he gets from his daddy! 

That little boy was squirming around, sucking his thumb, stretching out his legs, flipping around and well... Not being very cooperative for pictures haha.

I'm in my third trimester now and it's all starting to feel more and more real. Like.. It's really sinking in now! I cannot wait to meet this little baby boy and hold him and kiss him and love him. 

Pregnancy is hard but seeing that sweet face makes it feel like it's worth it. 

As a nurse, it drives me crazy when patients call and say they think they have "blank" because they googled it. But I definitely diagnosed myself with something. It's called symphysis pubis dysfunction and it sucks. My OB is probably going to look at me like I need crazy pills when I tell her. Anyways, it's this terrible pain that is concentrated at your pubic bone area and little things like rolling over in bed and getting into a car and putting on a pair of pants really freaking hurts.

So between that pain (which is also preventing me from exercising right now), the increasing edema at my ankles and the lovely weight gain... I'm not feeling really pretty. And I may or may not have had a hormonal preggo moment last night where I cried in bed staring at my puffy ankles propped up on pillows.... Not important.

Please don't be too disturbed by the next photo... Just in case feet weren't already kind of disgusting, let's add some fluid overload :) 

But that face! Aww he is so cute! I supposed I can endure all this and swallow my pride and deal with the pain... If it's for him :)

It is finished.

I have so many emotions: finality, relief, sorrow, peace. How does someone even begin to sort through all of that.

Saturday, we had Anna's grave marker placed. After many months, it's done. There is nothing left for me to do. 

As relieved as I am, it almost makes me sad. There is nothing left that I will ever do for my daughter. There is nothing else to do. It's over.

But at the same time that exact same thing makes me so happy. I have done everything for my daughter that I could possibly do. I, in a way, have fulfilled my job as her mother. 

Anna is always going to be my daughter, my first little baby. She will always be part of who we are as a family and my life is better for having the privilege of being her mother. I'm proud of the lives she touched without breathing her first breath. That's my girl.

Little Anna, watch over us. Especially your little brother, Luke, as we prepare to bring him into this world. I look forward to the day we can all be together again. 

I love you forever.

- mom