Since this is basically my online journal sometimes I just have to write out how I feel to sort things out and ultimately come to a conclusion. There... I warned you :)
I put in my 2 weeks notice on Monday for the job that I have been in love (and borderline obsessed with) for going on two years. This is my first day off this week and I feel like I was kind of the hot topic at work the past few days. There have been many comments thrown around to the Cardiology group that they are "stealing me away" and whatnot. It has been truly flattering to see people on both sides that want me. I wanted the people I care about most to hear it from me and most of them did but news travels fast. Now that it is official I have so many emotions.
I have been certain that this new job is the right thing for weeks but knowing that I will be saying good-bye to a great job and great people leaves me with an overwhelming sense of loss. We (particularly my weekend crew) know each other so well and truly are friends in and outside of work. I am close with my manager who is like a little mother hen. There are just so many wonderful things about my current job. It's like a family.
And then I think about this NEW job... other than all the excited feelings of newness I am unbelievably excited about how much I will learn. I knew when I graduated from nursing school that I was not done learning. I have continued to educate myself by attending seminars and classes and I LOVE it. I really think I took my education for granted a little bit. I am also looking forward to working closely with the doctors... again from an educational stand point. I am looking forward to meeting new people and building new relationships. I am excited about the schedule and more reasonable hours and the fact that this job is probably more conducive to family life. And the pay isn't too bad either :) (I realize that is probably in poor taste to mention publicly but that has been everyone's question so now you don't have to ask ha)
Yesterday, my current boss (who has been so understanding and has given me many congratulations on this accomplishment) told me "the grass isn't always greener on the other side." I smiled politely and told her "I know" but the more I think about it... I have no idea. And that terrifies me a little. I am afraid that I am leaving something wonderful that I love for something that I know nothing about.
But how will I know if I don't try.
The decision has been made and even though my current boss says that it's not too late to change my mind and stay with the current job that I am comfortable in... I know I can't really turn back. And honestly, I don't want to. I have so many questions and fears but I have just as many (if not more) things to be happy and excited about.
"Whatever you are, be a good one." -Abraham Lincoln
Thanks for letting me get that out.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
"Under Lock and Key" to "Fill the Empty Seat"
I have been Catholic for a few years now... OK close to a quarter of a century but that is nothing compared to how long the Catholic Church has been around. I am continually amazed at how beautiful the Faith is but I obviously still have so much more to learn.
This is only the second conclave of my lifetime and I was in high school for the first one. I think because Pope John Paul II was Pope for all of my life leading up to that point it had never really occurred to me how a person BECOMES a pope. I had no idea there was so much that I didn't know.
Now here I am in my twenties and the Church is about to elect a new Pope. And I am STILL amazed at how much I don't know. I witnessed (on TV) a historical moment in the Church when Pope Benedict XVI left Saint Peter's in Rome and when the Swiss guards walked away from him for the last time. I will probably always get goosebumps thinking about that moment.
Now what...
Soon all the Cardinals of the world will gather in the ancient city of Rome and they will be locked and guarded in the Sistine Chapel until they reach a decision. This is quite possibly the greatest decision they will ever make. For some it is not the first time they have been to the conclave (which literally means "under lock and key") but for others this may be the first and last.
This week I learned a lot about this whole process though I am sure there is so much more to it. I learned that the Pope's ring known as "the Fisherman's Ring" will be smashed and destroyed along with all the principal seals of office. This is so that they cannot be used during the period of "sede vacante" which means "vacant seat." I don't know why but the phrase makes me sad. I want that seat to be filled.
Also, I learned that if you are a Cardinal over the age of 80 then they don't let you vote! In the Apostolic Constitution (which I didn't know existed) it says that the max number of voters should be 120 and if you exclude the cardinals currently over the age of 80 and a few others not attending due to health we will have 115 Cardinals casting their ballots... that's cutting it pretty close! I am thinking there must be some Divine Intervention that helps them keep that rule but who knows.
I read in a great article here about all the traditions that occur on the morning before the conclave. They have a special mass for the election of the new pope and they chant a Latin hymn, "Veni Creator Spiritus" and then they head to the Sistine Chapel where they swear an oath of secrecy and the Master of Papal Liturgical Celebrations (how would you like to have that title!?) shouts, "Extra omnes!" Everyone else, out!
Seclusion.
And all the billion other Catholics wait for the white smoke.
Dark smoke indicates they have voted but not come to a conclusion as they must reach a two-thirds majority for the vote to be conclusive. The smoke comes from burning the ballots. If they don't have a clear selection after 3 days they basically take a day off. Can you imagine how exhausting it would be to be in that Chapel for three days without a conclusion? After the "day off" they resume... and we wait.
Fun fact: The next Pope doesn't HAVE TO be a Cardinal. Yeah... it blew my mind too. It is highly unlikely that they would choose someone that is NOT a Cardinal, I guess. But this is the Holy Spirit we are talking about! Things happen.
Also, when they DO reach a decision. The man selected is asked if he accepts (which he can decline) and if he does they ask him right then and there what name he will go by and he is immediately the Pope. There isn't a grace period like in the USA with the time between election day and the inauguration. He is Pope just like that. That would stress me out... which is why they are holy people and I am over here hoping for a fraction of their holiness. THEN, they go put on the white Papal vestments and the Cardinals sing a joyful hymn and....
"Habemus Papam" "We have a Pope!"
I obviously know very little seeing as I will never be a part of it but I think our generation has an advantage. I believe these men in red are holy but they need our prayers and this is a situation where I feel like the media can be used to our advantage. This is our opportunity to learn and to grow and to be ONE. This is not a time to be divisive.
Honduran Cardinal Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga is among some of the popular names mentioned in ramblings by the media as a possible successor. The Cardinal told Catholic New Service that he will be looking for "a person of faith, a person of love with a big heart to understand, especially, the human sufferings of today and to understand we are only servants, not kings."
I personally am kind of a fan of Cardinal Daniel DiNardo of the Galveston-Houston Diocese which is where I grew up. I know the man personally and have found him to be a faith-filled and joyful man. He loves to educate people on the Faith and he preaches of love and sacrifice. An article in the NCRegister quoted him saying, “[People] are looking for someone who is Peter. They’re looking for a shepherd, someone who can feed the sheep, give them good teaching and also encouragement." While I know this humble man was not thinking of himself when he said this I can't help but think he would do just that... be Peter.
*goosebumps*
This is so exciting and can hardly contain myself! Seriously... I realize I'm kind of a nerdy Catholic but this is AMAZING! Doesn't it make you proud to be a part of it?! I just can't believe the strength of these Cardinals to be a part of such a thing. My prayers will be going out to them! Let's all do that :)
PS- Who wants to have a Conclave Watch Party? Cuz I do.
This is only the second conclave of my lifetime and I was in high school for the first one. I think because Pope John Paul II was Pope for all of my life leading up to that point it had never really occurred to me how a person BECOMES a pope. I had no idea there was so much that I didn't know.
Now here I am in my twenties and the Church is about to elect a new Pope. And I am STILL amazed at how much I don't know. I witnessed (on TV) a historical moment in the Church when Pope Benedict XVI left Saint Peter's in Rome and when the Swiss guards walked away from him for the last time. I will probably always get goosebumps thinking about that moment.
 |
| Sede Vacante |
Soon all the Cardinals of the world will gather in the ancient city of Rome and they will be locked and guarded in the Sistine Chapel until they reach a decision. This is quite possibly the greatest decision they will ever make. For some it is not the first time they have been to the conclave (which literally means "under lock and key") but for others this may be the first and last.
This week I learned a lot about this whole process though I am sure there is so much more to it. I learned that the Pope's ring known as "the Fisherman's Ring" will be smashed and destroyed along with all the principal seals of office. This is so that they cannot be used during the period of "sede vacante" which means "vacant seat." I don't know why but the phrase makes me sad. I want that seat to be filled.
Also, I learned that if you are a Cardinal over the age of 80 then they don't let you vote! In the Apostolic Constitution (which I didn't know existed) it says that the max number of voters should be 120 and if you exclude the cardinals currently over the age of 80 and a few others not attending due to health we will have 115 Cardinals casting their ballots... that's cutting it pretty close! I am thinking there must be some Divine Intervention that helps them keep that rule but who knows.
I read in a great article here about all the traditions that occur on the morning before the conclave. They have a special mass for the election of the new pope and they chant a Latin hymn, "Veni Creator Spiritus" and then they head to the Sistine Chapel where they swear an oath of secrecy and the Master of Papal Liturgical Celebrations (how would you like to have that title!?) shouts, "Extra omnes!" Everyone else, out!
Seclusion.
And all the billion other Catholics wait for the white smoke.
Dark smoke indicates they have voted but not come to a conclusion as they must reach a two-thirds majority for the vote to be conclusive. The smoke comes from burning the ballots. If they don't have a clear selection after 3 days they basically take a day off. Can you imagine how exhausting it would be to be in that Chapel for three days without a conclusion? After the "day off" they resume... and we wait.
Fun fact: The next Pope doesn't HAVE TO be a Cardinal. Yeah... it blew my mind too. It is highly unlikely that they would choose someone that is NOT a Cardinal, I guess. But this is the Holy Spirit we are talking about! Things happen.
Also, when they DO reach a decision. The man selected is asked if he accepts (which he can decline) and if he does they ask him right then and there what name he will go by and he is immediately the Pope. There isn't a grace period like in the USA with the time between election day and the inauguration. He is Pope just like that. That would stress me out... which is why they are holy people and I am over here hoping for a fraction of their holiness. THEN, they go put on the white Papal vestments and the Cardinals sing a joyful hymn and....
"Habemus Papam" "We have a Pope!"
I obviously know very little seeing as I will never be a part of it but I think our generation has an advantage. I believe these men in red are holy but they need our prayers and this is a situation where I feel like the media can be used to our advantage. This is our opportunity to learn and to grow and to be ONE. This is not a time to be divisive.
Honduran Cardinal Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga is among some of the popular names mentioned in ramblings by the media as a possible successor. The Cardinal told Catholic New Service that he will be looking for "a person of faith, a person of love with a big heart to understand, especially, the human sufferings of today and to understand we are only servants, not kings."
 |
| Cardinal DiNardo and myself a few years ago. |
*goosebumps*
This is so exciting and can hardly contain myself! Seriously... I realize I'm kind of a nerdy Catholic but this is AMAZING! Doesn't it make you proud to be a part of it?! I just can't believe the strength of these Cardinals to be a part of such a thing. My prayers will be going out to them! Let's all do that :)
PS- Who wants to have a Conclave Watch Party? Cuz I do.
Friday, March 1, 2013
7 Quick Takes #6
For more Quick Takes go to Conversion Diary!
1. Well... Secret is out. I got a new job! Sorry if that is not as exciting as the pregnancy announcement you were all expecting but I am pretty much ecstatic! I will be working for a group of Cardiologists that I already know well from working at the hospital. They are a great group and I had imagined working for them since early in my career but I didn't figure that would come for several years. I wasn't really looking for a job but one of the doctors actually approached me about it a few weeks ago and I have been in the interview process ever since. This is huge. I'll keep you posted on all that!
2. I have a very good relationship with my current boss and I am not looking forward to talking to her about this new job. It's not because I think she will be mad... I'm afraid she will be sad. I will be telling her Monday so keep it on the DL.
3. This week has been exhausting not only because of Snowmagedon Part 2 which I wrote about here, but also because of the following:
4. The Pope officially resigned. I know this is historic and wonderful but watching the Swiss guards walk away and close the doors of Castel Gandolfo brought tears to my eyes. There were just too many emotions. This man was so humble my mind cannot clearly fathom. I was sad about the end of his papacy. I was nervous about the conclave (not that I am in any way involved other than praying for the Cardinal I adopted). And I was hopeful about the future. Too much for one girl to handle in a matter of minutes.
5. I finally joined the rest of the world and got a phone with a data plan. And since I never do anything half way... I got the iphone5. My mind is blown. How did I live without this!?!
6. It is still snowing and while I would be happy to never have to actually drive on slick roads again... I'm kinda starting to like snow. It is so pretty.
7. I got really tired of eating fish every Friday (of Lent) so I decided to mix it up and make Tostadas. Patrick fried some low carb tortillas in a skillet, I put a layer of refried beans, sour cream, shredded cheese and jalapenos and tossed them in the oven until the cheese was all melty. It was fantastic! So If you are looking for an easy meal that is meatless... I recommend it :)
Happy Friday Y'all! Have a lovely weekend!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Snowmagedon Strikes Again!
Well, Snowmagedon part 1 was all just fun and games. I sat in the comfort of my living room sipping on coffee and watching that yucky white stuff fall from the sky like it was going out of style. Sure, we had a little bump in the road with Patrick and his clinical and the whole getting stuck thing but this is different.
This is Snowmagedon part 2.
Monday 10:00 PM
I got to the hospital about an hour ago. I looked like a total dummy walking into my place of employment with duffel bags and a pillow and blanket but oh well. I was happy to see that I was not the only one who made the wise decision to stay the night. After chatting with my manager and finishing an episode of the Bachelor (guilty pleasure) I hung out in one of the rooms with another nurse and two nurse techs (also known as CNAs). We kinda joked about being adults and having sleepovers and stuff which made me feel a little better... and by better, I mean just less stressed about the whole situation.
My manager so kindly hooked me up with an ICU suite... so this is probably bigger than the hotel room I thought about getting! And she gave me a meal voucher. This is far from ideal but wow. So thankful for a safe place to sleep tonight and for a thoughtful manager!
It is technically passed my "work" bedtime but my mind is still running a million miles a minute so I think I will watch a couple episodes of Friends and see if I can make my mind relax enough to get some sleep.
Tuesday Throughout the day - view from the 10th floor
Tuesday 8:30 PM
I have now been at the hospital for 24 hours and counting. I would love to tell you at has been so eventful and it was so dramatic around here like Grey's Anatomy but actually it was pretty lame. I was orienting a nurse to our unit and we were technically understaffed and therefore had more patients than we should have but somehow the day just felt.... slow. And therefore... it dragged on and on.
Tonight there are far less people staying at the hospital and I feel a little bit silly for staying because some people said the roads were pretty clear. I'm not too worried about making it home... it's getting back for work in the morning that is concerning. The snow let up for several hours today but has started up again. Hopefully, I made the right decision.
Say some prayers that I actually sleep tonight. Last night the ICU was LOUD! I doubt if I slept more than 45 minutes straight last night without an interruption. The mattress was nothing like my temperpedic either FYI. At least tonight I am in a room that doesn't have big glass windows with bright lights shining in. I'm planning on it being pitch dark. AND I plan on waking up refreshed with a full 7+ hours of sleep. Too bad I don't have any ambien...
Wednesday 6:00 AM
Thursday 8:00 AM
I made it home last night. As it turned out it was a good idea that I stayed both night because there were wrecks in the early morning on monday and a lot of my co-workers said they were slipping and sliding on the highways... which would have scared the living you know what out of me. And I crashed which is why I am just now writing an update. I got to sleep in my own bed and I was not awakened by alarm or nurses doing their job. It was like my own personal heaven. Even though I slept soundly last night I am still exhausted. I don't know how doctors do it... being on call, I mean. No wonder they get grumpy about people calling them about moderately high blood pressure haha. Some things just need to wait until morning.
I have a pretty busy morning (which is part of my big secret that I am not yet revealing) but after that I plan on doing a little cleaning, making real food (as in not hospital food), and spending time with my man... and going to bed early... grandma style.
This is Snowmagedon part 2.
 |
| Price Chopper early Monday morning. |
 |
| Rosalyn's face when I told her I was leaving for probably a few days. |
Monday 10:00 PM
I got to the hospital about an hour ago. I looked like a total dummy walking into my place of employment with duffel bags and a pillow and blanket but oh well. I was happy to see that I was not the only one who made the wise decision to stay the night. After chatting with my manager and finishing an episode of the Bachelor (guilty pleasure) I hung out in one of the rooms with another nurse and two nurse techs (also known as CNAs). We kinda joked about being adults and having sleepovers and stuff which made me feel a little better... and by better, I mean just less stressed about the whole situation.
My manager so kindly hooked me up with an ICU suite... so this is probably bigger than the hotel room I thought about getting! And she gave me a meal voucher. This is far from ideal but wow. So thankful for a safe place to sleep tonight and for a thoughtful manager!
It is technically passed my "work" bedtime but my mind is still running a million miles a minute so I think I will watch a couple episodes of Friends and see if I can make my mind relax enough to get some sleep.
Tuesday Throughout the day - view from the 10th floor
Tuesday 8:30 PM
I have now been at the hospital for 24 hours and counting. I would love to tell you at has been so eventful and it was so dramatic around here like Grey's Anatomy but actually it was pretty lame. I was orienting a nurse to our unit and we were technically understaffed and therefore had more patients than we should have but somehow the day just felt.... slow. And therefore... it dragged on and on.
Tonight there are far less people staying at the hospital and I feel a little bit silly for staying because some people said the roads were pretty clear. I'm not too worried about making it home... it's getting back for work in the morning that is concerning. The snow let up for several hours today but has started up again. Hopefully, I made the right decision.
 |
| So tired of eating at the hospital. |
Say some prayers that I actually sleep tonight. Last night the ICU was LOUD! I doubt if I slept more than 45 minutes straight last night without an interruption. The mattress was nothing like my temperpedic either FYI. At least tonight I am in a room that doesn't have big glass windows with bright lights shining in. I'm planning on it being pitch dark. AND I plan on waking up refreshed with a full 7+ hours of sleep. Too bad I don't have any ambien...
Wednesday 6:00 AM
 |
| Thank you to whoever wrote this message in the snow on top of the parking garage. It made my day. "Be Happy." |
Thursday 8:00 AM
I made it home last night. As it turned out it was a good idea that I stayed both night because there were wrecks in the early morning on monday and a lot of my co-workers said they were slipping and sliding on the highways... which would have scared the living you know what out of me. And I crashed which is why I am just now writing an update. I got to sleep in my own bed and I was not awakened by alarm or nurses doing their job. It was like my own personal heaven. Even though I slept soundly last night I am still exhausted. I don't know how doctors do it... being on call, I mean. No wonder they get grumpy about people calling them about moderately high blood pressure haha. Some things just need to wait until morning.
I have a pretty busy morning (which is part of my big secret that I am not yet revealing) but after that I plan on doing a little cleaning, making real food (as in not hospital food), and spending time with my man... and going to bed early... grandma style.
Pride can be a good thing
Pride is bad. That's what everyone says. Be humble and if you aren't a humble person pray for humility and God take care of that one real quick!
Well what if you take pride IN something? What if you take pride in your marriage or raising your children or your profession? I just cannot imagine taking pride in important things such as these could ever be a negative thing.
As I have said before I am a big fan of the "little things" in life. But one big thing that I take pride in that may not be entirely popular is my job. Ever since I was a young girl I knew that whatever I did with my life I would help others. I remember watching a documentary on Mother Teresa when I was in third grade. I was not like a lot of kids. She died about a month before my birthday that year and even though I had heard about her I felt a sense of loss that I would not ever really know about the things she did to change the world... at least not in real time.
The more I learned about her the more I was amazed. There was nothing that could stand in her way. No disease or weather conditions or nay-sayers would stop her work. She said that "the biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted." She said that "each of them is Jesus in disguise." I would love to say that I have the same saintly qualities of Mother Teresa but I am not there. Not even close. But if I can emulate a fraction of that love to the people that I serve in MY work then by God...
Today and tomorrow we are expecting a foot of snow and ice on top of the foot of snow that we just got a few days ago. Yeah, some melted yesterday but now all that water will be ice. It makes driving conditions less than ideal but I will make it to work. I am needed.
I mean no disrespect to people of other professions because every job is important but to be a nurse or doctor or firefighter or paramedic in this situation gives you pride... the good kind. I am proud of the fact that I am part of a group of people that loves strangers so much that they will take the risk of driving in treacherous conditions to be there for them. Because if we aren't there to take care of them... who do they have?
I love my patients. My job is far from glamorous but I deal with with the blood and other body fluids and needles just so I can offer a smile or hold some one's hand when they tell me how scared they are. I guess you could say that the work that nurses do is humbling. I feel like that a lot. Because it was Mother Teresa that also said "We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do."
I hope I make it to work tomorrow.
Well what if you take pride IN something? What if you take pride in your marriage or raising your children or your profession? I just cannot imagine taking pride in important things such as these could ever be a negative thing.
As I have said before I am a big fan of the "little things" in life. But one big thing that I take pride in that may not be entirely popular is my job. Ever since I was a young girl I knew that whatever I did with my life I would help others. I remember watching a documentary on Mother Teresa when I was in third grade. I was not like a lot of kids. She died about a month before my birthday that year and even though I had heard about her I felt a sense of loss that I would not ever really know about the things she did to change the world... at least not in real time.
The more I learned about her the more I was amazed. There was nothing that could stand in her way. No disease or weather conditions or nay-sayers would stop her work. She said that "the biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted." She said that "each of them is Jesus in disguise." I would love to say that I have the same saintly qualities of Mother Teresa but I am not there. Not even close. But if I can emulate a fraction of that love to the people that I serve in MY work then by God...
Today and tomorrow we are expecting a foot of snow and ice on top of the foot of snow that we just got a few days ago. Yeah, some melted yesterday but now all that water will be ice. It makes driving conditions less than ideal but I will make it to work. I am needed.
I mean no disrespect to people of other professions because every job is important but to be a nurse or doctor or firefighter or paramedic in this situation gives you pride... the good kind. I am proud of the fact that I am part of a group of people that loves strangers so much that they will take the risk of driving in treacherous conditions to be there for them. Because if we aren't there to take care of them... who do they have?
I love my patients. My job is far from glamorous but I deal with with the blood and other body fluids and needles just so I can offer a smile or hold some one's hand when they tell me how scared they are. I guess you could say that the work that nurses do is humbling. I feel like that a lot. Because it was Mother Teresa that also said "We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do."
I hope I make it to work tomorrow.
Friday, February 22, 2013
This is what Love looks like.
If you want to read a beautiful sad story about a very holy family read this. And I am not kidding when I tell you you will NEED a box of tissues. One or two isn't going to cut it. I hope that one day when I am a parent that I will be as brave as Kemi and Corinna. This is the story of Baby Celeste and the perfect love of her family.
7QT #5... Snowmagedon
1. I have been M.I.A. in the blogging world recently because I have a secret that I really want to tell! I am really excited and I just want to tell the world but it is not public knowledge QUITE yet. I know it's mean to tell people you have a secret and then leave them hanging but I promise I will be shouting it from the roof tops in the very near future! And no, I'm not pregnant. I know that was your first thought!
2. Snowmagedon was this week in case there is anybody out there that is not infinitely aware of it yet. I always thought I had the snow thing down since I have lived in Kansas for 6 years now. Boy, was I wrong. I realize that there are a LOT of people that have seen a LOT more snow than this but this was quite frankly like nothing I had ever seen before.
3. It really did feel like the end of my world when Patrick called me from his clinical site around 9:30 AM and said that he wasn't going to be able to make it home. Dramatic? Yes. I hated that I couldn't just go pick him up but the roads were horrendous.
4. A very Good Samaritan in a jacked-up Chevy Silverado 4X4 offered to give my dear husband a lift home so he wouldn't have to stay the night there. Thank the Lord! And let me tell you... there were a LOT of Good Samaritans out there helping others.
5. Patrick and I both had the day off today so we decided to spend it together instead of doing our own thing (which is why I am not typing up my quick takes until late in the evening haha). We started our day with a cup of coffee and then headed out to buy a snow shovel. Everyone else had the same idea though so we had no luck there. Then, we drove over to Patrick's clinical site to get his truck which was completely buried in snow... too, bad we didn't have a snow shovel.
6. When we got home we ate a very boring meatless lunch and popped Skyfall, the Bond movie, into the Blueray player. Oh my, that was a phenomenal movie. If you haven't seen it you need to. It was not something I would have probably picked out if I hadn't been with Patrick but seriously... amazing.
7. Rosalyn has mixed feeling on Snowmagedon. Sometimes she acts like she likes all the snow and sometimes she looks at me like, "yeah, I'm not going out in that." I think she had enough after she jumped in the snow and she realized she was literally in over her head. Sucks to be short, huh, Rozzy girl!? So she came back into the warm apartment and hovered by my feet in the kitchen while I baked desserts hoping I would drop some chocolate... her fave.
This is potentially the most boring QT ever. My apologies. For way better quick takes go here.
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