Positivity!

Weather totally affects my mood. Is that stupid? I guess I should be used to living in Kansas by now but I really feel like by the end on January I should start hanging up my North Face and digging out the beach towels. I mean, if I was in high school Spring Break would be in like 5 weeks! It's time for this Ginger to get her tan on!

And then I look out my window and there is all that nasty white stuff on the ground... ya know, snow. All the trees look stark and sad and the grass is dead. And I check the weather online and it's going to be 7 degrees outside tonight. Um, brrr. My sister texted me from Texas yesterday to tell me how happy she was to be wearing shorts again. Jealous. I really want to go on a run but I can't because it is SO cold and even if I was able to tough it out (IF!!!) I know Rosalyn would hate me forever and I just can't have that.

So today on Cathsorority a really awesome girl said that she had been feeling a little low and then I realized I was too. So we all got to talking about what we are looking forward to and I would be lying if I told you it didn't make me feel better! It wasn't just because of what I have to look forward to. It was hearing all the big AND little things that other women had coming up! It was nice to parttake in some positivity!

What am I looking forward to? SPRING TIME! I cannot wait for everything that will happen in the Spring. It will be warm and beautiful outside. I can go on runs or lay out at the pool or grow some herbs and veggies (and hopefully have better luck than I did last year on the veggies!) and maybe even buy a bike so I can go on bike rides! I miss those bike rides I used to take with my dad when I lived at home.

I am also looking forward to all the big changes in my little family of two. Patrick is going to be graduating with his DPT in May, he will be getting his first real job (Yay!), and depending on how all that goes we will start planning the rest of our lives! AH! It makes me so nervous-excited! I know he feels a little pressure since all our life plans are dependent on what happens after he graduates but I have full confidence in him! He is brilliant :)

In conclusion, I just want you to know that if I have sounded like a crazy, emotional, negative, opinionated lady to you recently... You were correct. I'll try to look forward to the future and all the good things ahead of me instead of dwelling on how cold it is outside... and inside for that matter :)

Mortality makes you want to hold on for dear life...

I'm emotionally exhausted. The Kansas City area was hit by some winter weather which I am not a fan of anyways... because I will always be a Texan at heart. Well, I was thrilled that I had the day off so I could stay in my pajamas all day and be lazy. Then, Patrick called and told me that his car hit an icy patch and he spun out and hit a light pole. Luckily he is OK but his truck is not. We both just realize it could have been a lot worse. You see, we know from experience...

I am a lucky person. Not in the lottery winning kind of way. I just am very fortunate to be alive and to have people around me that love and care about me. I'm lucky to be alive because on February 14, 2011 I was in a horrible car accident. At the time I was in my last semester of nursing school. I had just moved in to my grandparents house to help my grandpa take care of my grandma. She has Alzheimer's and was getting to the point that she didn't know he was her husband anymore and she was really starting to need assistance with things like showering and going to the bathroom. It was just better if a female helped her with those things.

I had stayed on campus late that day to utilize the Internet for an online quiz since my grandparents did not have Internet out on the farm. As I was driving home in the dark on a country highway heading east and talking on the phone to my mom, I saw the headlights of a car on the intersecting road heading south. They seemed to be going a little fast considering they were coming up on a stop sign but my mind didn't really have time to process the possibility that they might not stop.

They didn't.

It was kind of like something you would see in a movie. All I really remember is the headlights and that panicked feeling. And then everything went black.

I have flashes of memories from that night. It's weird when you can't remember but I think that our bodies have a way of hiding these memories in order to help us cope. The first thing I remember after they slammed into my driver side is sitting on the cold wet ground. I couldn't really see anything but I could feel someones' hands on my head and neck as if they were trying to stabilize me and I could feel the icy snow underneath me that had not yet melted. It hurt to breathe. I could here a lot of voices as things started to come into focus and I saw the ambulance pull up close to me through my foggy eyes.

I woman that I couldn't see but was obviously very close to where I was sitting told me I was going to be OK. I remember asking her what happened and she said said, "Can you see your car?" I couldn't even really see her so I didn't know where to look.  I glanced around and finally spotted my little red Honda Civic. The lights from the firetruck (that evidently got there while I was out of it) were shining on my little red car. In my memory of this moment my car was dented. In reality, it was demolished. I don't know why my memory is so different from what actually happened... again, maybe this is just how I was able to cope.

This is when I first realized that there were other people involved. In the distance past where my little red crumbled piece of metal had landed there was a large group of people. I figured they were helping the other(s). The majority of the flashes of memories that I have are of me asking EMTs, Police officers, bystanders etc how the other people in the other car were doing. No one could really answer me though.

When I got to the hospital they ran their tests and asked questions... most of which I didn't really know how to answer. They told me that my left lung had collapsed and that they had to put a chest tube is so my lung could fully expand. They didn't have time to numb the area so they pretty much just dug in. I'll spare you the details. The also told me that my arm was broken pretty badly. This was all in the ER. I still have no real sense of how all the timing worked out but there were all kinds of people there: Grandma, Grandpa, my two closest friends from nursing school (Reanna and Julie), my fiance's (now husband) parents and brother. I looked at the group of people that loved me, tried very hard to focus (in my desperation to try to act like I was OK) and ended up kinda crossing my eyes... which allowed me to see all the blood on my face/nose. It was then that I realized I was in bad shape.

The flashes of memories continued.... and I woke up in a hospital room with my best friend's mom sitting next to me. She knew my family wasn't going to be there for a while and her kind motherly heart told her someone should be there when I woke up. She was right. I woke up very confused and emotional. Like I woke up from a bad dream. But it wasn't a dream. My dad showed up that morning. He had jumped on the first flight from Houston, TX to Tulsa, OK, rented a car and drove two more hours to Joplin, MO where I was in the hospital. My fiance, Patrick, showed up that day too. Several doctors came in to update my dad and Patrick and the orthopedic surgeon told me that he suggested surgery for my left arm. My radius (one of the bones in the lower part of the arm) was broken in such a way he didn't think I would have much luck in healing without surgical intervention. He said he could fit me in that evening so I agreed.

That day was almost as exhausting as the night of the accident. I had so many questions but quite frankly I didn't have the energy to figure anything out. I was in and out of sleep. Patrick and my dad went to pre-op with me. The nurse in pre-op told me the doctor was a little behind schedule and that I had time before she gave me any medication to make me sleepy. My boss called to check on me as I was laying on the cart. I told her I was about to have surgery and I told her everything else I knew (which was very little). I told her that I wish I knew how the other people in the other car were doing. There was a very short pause on the other line...

She told me that the driver of the other car was actually the GA for the women's basketball team and that she had died along with the 4 month old baby that was still growing inside her and her husband of a few weeks was in critical condition. Neither of them were wearing seat belts. I couldn't hold back the tears. I looked at Patrick and my dad and I saw the look on their faces. They already knew. And they knew that my boss had told me even though it had been their intention to get me through surgery before giving me that kind of news.

I blamed myself. Even though there was nothing I could have done to change it, in my mind all I could focus on was that SHE died because she hit MY car. I was inconsolable. I called the nurse in and asked for medication and I was out in seconds.

It's hard to tell but all that scabbing is from glass. I still have some that never came out.

My face the night before leaving the hospital. Black eye is healing!

Bruises from all the IVs and at the elbow where one infiltrated plus lovely tape burns.

Hematoma... still numb where this bruise was.

Chest tube atrium. I had a picture if where the tube went in but I thought it might gross people out.

Reanna washing my hair... so thankful. 

Scar from chest tube.

Keloid scar from surgical repair of my broken radius.

Blurry but this is the scarring on my left elbow from all the glass.

I was in the hospital for a week. I had chest x-rays everyday, sometimes more than once a day, to see how close my lung was to fully expanding. I slept often except when I had visitors which was more often than I expected. My two best friends from nursing school came and helped me wash my hair which I will never forget. It was such a small act of kindness that made a huge difference in how I felt. The day before I left the doctor took the chest tube out and they continued to monitor me for the next 24 hours until I was finally discharged. But recovery didn't end there.

I am so thankful for my dad for being there throughout my hospital stay. He was so calm and while I know he had so many emotions he really helped me by staying positive and leaving the emotional breakdowns to me. I am equally thankful for my mom who flew up to Tulsa the day I was discharged. My good friend, Julie, (who also held my hand while they stabbed me in the side to place the chest tube in the ER) picked her up and drove her to the hospital. My mom stayed with me for about 2 weeks. She helped me with everything from showering, to dealing with insurance, to replacing personal property that was crushed in the wreck, to driving me to school, to getting me a rental car, to helping taking of grandma etc.

It has been almost two years. I wish I could say that I have completely moved on and that I never think about it but that would be a bold faced lie. I think about it everyday and I still deal with the emotional guilt that two people died. I know it wasn't my fault but that doesn't take away the emotions. I take care of patients with chest tubes and broken bones every day and I relive it. The silver lining is that I can relate to my patients when they talk about their pain. Patients see the keloid scar on my arm and the wounds on my face and elbow from all the glass and ask what happened... and I tell them. And because I open up to them while they are in a vulnerable state they trust me and know that I am doing my best for them.

As traumatic as it was and as awful as it sounds, I have to say again... I am lucky. It was not the kind of car accident that people typically walk away from a live a normal life, but I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Patrick and I were dealing with the reality of mortality and the thought of losing each other 5 months before we were even married and he was my rock throughout the months that followed. We were long distance at the time and he came to see me every weekend and listened to many tearful phone calls and held me tight when he was physically present for them. In a weird way, it is like the accident brought us together and strengthened our relationship. Normal people would have been exhausted... but not Patrick.

So today when Patrick spun off the road and into a ditch and slammed into a light pole off the highway I was terrified. I was emotional. But we can deal with the damage of a car. I am beyond thankful that he is OK. He is a little sore but no broken bones and no blood... his heart is beating and he is breathing. Oh, the little things we take for granted! Hug your loved ones, y'all, and BUCKLE UP!.

Found this oldie but goodie and couldn't help myself... October 2008

Love is friendship set on fire.

This is why I am Pro-Life.

Why am I pro-life? Well, in high school and I would have said that it's simple... abortion is wrong and that's what the Catholic Church teaches. I still believe those things but it is far from simple.

Our culture has taught us that abortion is ok. And people my age were brought up with that (from I societal stand point, that is). Our culture has told us that we have to take matters into our own hands. That it is all about us and that if we don't get rid of our "little problems" they will become big screaming, crying, sleep-stealing problems. They paint a picture of motherhood (and fatherhood, for that matter) that is far from happy and healthy and natural.

Even though I was raised in the Catholic Church and I am still a firm believer in all that the Church teaches, proclaims and professes I look at this as more of a secular issue that for me happens to be rooted in the faith of many believers. You see, you can be liberal or conservative, Christian or Atheist, male or female... but it does not change the facts. The scientific facts are just as factual for the Christian as it is for the Atheist. That is why I don't think this is so much of a religious argument.

Here is a very brief secular (and kind of dumbed down) science lesson: If a woman is fertile the egg is released and hangs out in the fallopian tube waiting for one little sperm to fertilize it. So the man and woman do "the deed," the egg burrows in and BOOM: fertilization. The egg changes so that no other little swimmers can get in. At that moment of fertilization the genes and sex of the baby are set in stone. It may not "look" like a baby but genetically it's a done deal. And this might blow your mind but babies  don't look like CEOs, lawyers or Walmart cashiers but they grow up and become those things. I know, crazy!

So the argument that it is a clump of cells is not completely inaccurate in the first several days after conception, but those cells are absolutely alive and are on their way to becoming not only a baby but a doctor, farmer, parent or whatever. And by the time a man and woman really know that they are pregnant they are starting to actually look like a baby. At that point the argument is completely invalid. So do me a favor and refrain from EVER calling it "just" a clump of cells unless you really want to get into it with me :)

Ok... taking the passion down a few notches...

So other than the obvious science behind the whole thing I have many other reasons why I am pro-life. Many pro-choice friends have asked me how I could not sympathize with women who have been raped and then found out they were pregnant. First off, I don't believe the child growing inside that grieving woman is any less alive than the child of the parents that are overjoyed at the realization they are pregnant. That kinda goes back to my original point.

But here is a little secret... I do sympathize with them. I can't say I know exactly how they feel because no one really does. But maybe I have been abducted. Maybe I fought for my life to not get raped and was one of the lucky ones. Maybe I still have nightmares every once in a while even though it has been almost 5 years. Maybe I cannot imagine how it would have affected me emotionally if I had been raped. I know I would have been a mess though. Maybe just the thought of it resulting in a pregnancy makes me panic a little even though it didn't happen. Would abortion have crossed my mind if that HAD happened? I would love to say no, never, but the reality is that it might have. Maybe. I would never have done it but the trauma a woman faces after something like that could lead her to make that kind of decision. I realize that. So, yes, I do sympathize.

Here is what I know though: An abortion would not make it better. You may feel like you are taking care of the problem or even that you are doing the right thing to try and move on. But if you take the life of your child you will have that haunting you as well. That is something I could not live with.

If we live in a world where it is acceptable to terminate the life of your child why are we so surprised by all the other horrible things that happen? People kill people so nonchalantly because that is the culture that we have created. I know there are just bad people in the world and that violence occurred long before Roe v Wade but is it completely improbable that by allowing the violence to occur in our families and in our wombs, the most sacred of places, that we have changed our society to be more accepting of violence in general? We are teaching our children to be selfish and to choose themselves over others so that when they grow up they will continue to serve only themselves.

This is the culture we live in. Even though it is not popular and it is not what this world calls "normal" we have to stand up and stand out. If we don't, what kind of world will our children be growing up in? What will become of us? When will the love defeat the selfish hate?

 This is why I am pro-life.

During the March for Life in 2009. Look at all the people!

In the words of our President (after the Sandy Hook shooting, not talking about abortions):

"These were beautiful little kids...They had their entire lives ahead of them. Birthdays. Graduations. Weddings. Kids of their own." -President Obama 

Let's remember the 55 Million missing today.

What I Wore Sunday #6

It has been a great relaxing weekend and I hate to see it come to a close.

Friday we didn't really do anything but Saturday we went on a date which we hadn't done in months! We went out to eat at Fox and Hound which we had a Groupon for and then we went to see Zero Dark Thirty because I have free movie tickets from work. The food was great and I was impressed with the movie! The best part was... it was relatively cheap! Yay!

Today Patrick and I went to the early mass and came home and made breakfast omelets and coffee. He had to take a practice test for his Physical Therapy Boards this afternoon and then had a study group so I headed off to Northeast Kansas to a little down called Troy to visit Grandma, Uncle Danny and Heidi, my cousin.

It had been way too long since I saw them last and we had so much to catch up on! Heidi caught the fever... Bieber Fever, that is! She is also obsessed with One Direction and has a huge crush on Aaron Rogers of the Green Bay Packers. I could hear her squealing in the other room when the "Discount Double Check" commercial came on. It was too funny!




Now for What I Wore Sunday:

            Wrap Dress: Old Navy
            Tank: Target
            Tights: Target
            Boots: Macy's
            Necklace/bracelet that are very hard to see: Christmas gift from Mom

 I may be overdoing the dress/skirt and boots look but I just love it haha!        And before too long it will be too warm to wear it!

If you would like to see some fabulous men and women in their Sunday Best check out Fine Linen and Purple, the host of What I Wore Sunday!

Have a lovely week, ya'll!

7 Quick Takes #3

Just realized this never posted.

1. I wrote a blog post about NFP this week. Actually I started writing it about a month ago but I just could not get the words out right so hopefully I made sense. The more time that passes and the longer I use NFP with my husband the more I realize what a blessing it has been in our lives and what it has meant to our marriage. It really is a beautiful gift... and naturally (no pun intended!) I want everyone to experience it, too!

2. I'm still not running. Part of me hates it because I knwo when I do finally get on a treadmill I'm going to die. But at the same time... I refuse to fight the crowds! A plus is that I have been eating really healthy! Semi-paleo meals except on Saturdays because I can't live without pizza and beer :)

3. I spent HOURS looking at all the local humane society-esque websites at all the dogs because I got to thinking that I should start running outside once it warms up and I need a running buddy. I know... I already have a dog but Rosalyn hates running. She will run for about a mile and then she quits. Like she literally lays down in the grass mid sprint! Patrick isn't all that keen on the idea of another dog especially if its bigger. And really I'm not wanting a huge dog. Maybe a medium-large size. It doesn't really matter as long as they are ok with running with me... and are adorable, of course :)

4. My fingers are starting to peel and callous from all the guitar playing. They don't hurt that bad but they look awful. So I decided to get girly and pain my nails. Too bad they are short so I still look like I have man hands!

5. I don't really have plans set in stone yet but I'm thinking about going to see my grandma this weekend on one of the days that Patrick is studying. Grandma is holding our Christmas presents hostage until I come visit her and I am way over due! She is quite possibly the coolest lady I know. Maybe I will write a post about her one day!

6. I just found out yesterday morning that my friend's (and old dance partner) mom passed away in her sleep on Tuesday. This was a huge shock. My mom was her Confirmation sponsor when she became Catholic as an adult several years ago and my friend, Taylor, and I were close for many years though we have drifted apart. My mom actually just saw Taylor's mom at JCP a week or too ago and she promised to cal my mom to get together for coffee or lunch... and that was the last my mom ever talked to her. It is just so shocking. I don't even know what to say. It is just another reminder how precious life is. Why worry about the little things? Ya know? Makes me want to hug my mom from 1,000 miles away.

7. My little sister, Rachel, called me this week asking about dorm rooms at Pitt State. First reaction: OMG you are gonna be in college! Second: OMG you are going to my school! Third:

Girl Scouts do WHAT!?!!

So I was a girl Scout for like 12 years. No lie. By the time I got into 6th grade girls were dropping out like flies 'cuz it was not cool anymore... but since I was never all that cool and I thought horseback riding and sailing Sunfish in the Gulf was all the rage I stuck it out. By the time I hit Junior high it was just me and my two best friends... oh and my mom 'cuz she was the troop leader. Did I mention I wasn't very cool?

Really and honestly we put the Girl Scout organization to shame because we were so into camping and traveling and not at all into earning badges. Even in my lack of coolness I could see that earning badges was not gonna win me any points. I felt like they would have behead me or something if they had known that but I was also a little dramatic when I was 13 years old.

Looking back I don't really remember all the girls scout handbooks and crap because like I said... I wasn't interested in that. But now I am learning all kinds of things about GSUSA that really just makes me sick to my stomach. Like this.

All those delicious cookies those hard-core girls we sold... I never understood why our troop only got a small fraction of the money. Well, as in turns out GSUSA financially helps support the World Organization of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts (WAGGGS) and Planned Parenthood. I feel like vomiting every time I think about it. Little girls... like elementary school aged... are working to support evil organizations that promote Pro-Choice movements and  sexual freedoms and God knows what else. These are LITTLE GIRLS!

Just in case that didn't blow my mind enough I also learned that they recommend sexually explicit books to the cute little girls in the brown vests. They tell them to take ownership of their adolescent sexual health claiming that we should all be looking at it realistically. They tell young children to have young adult partnerships and to reject the myth of adult wisdom. Because they don't believe that adults know what is best for their children and because children learn best by doing. WHAT!?! *Stomach churning* *Blood boiling*

So here is a problem that many people may not know. The Catholic Church in the United States sort of supports the GSUSA. By that I mean that they have Girl Scout Sunday every year and things like that. To my (limited) knowledge, the Catholic Church has sort of always considered Girl Scouts to be indirectly affiliated with them. Please, correct me if I am wrong. I would love to be wrong about this. Obviously, the Church would not stand for supporting THIS kind of "empowerment of women."

This is the problem with feminism. It is so skewed. We should be learning to love our bodies and recognizing the beauty that life can grow inside of us. We should understand that the body is sacred, a gift from God, and that it should not be harmed. We should be teaching children about real marital love and the bond of a married man and woman and the perfect design of fertility. That is what empowers me. Instead people speak out against the body in the name of "feminism." This frustrates me to no end.

I wish I could take back those 12 years of unknowingly supporting WAGGGS and Planned Parenthood but I thank God I was not so into GSUSA that I had to hear about all of this at such a young age... though I know if my mom (as the troop leader) had known she would have removed me from the situation.

Anyone have an opinion on this? Please share! If you don't want to post a public comment you of course can always email me at thiscaptivatinglovehg@gmail.com

Natural Family Planning... It's a beautiful thing.

I realize that I have not really posted anything about this and I think it's time I should. For anyone that doesn't know Natural Family Planning is a method that helps women understand the way that their body works so that they can recognize signs of fertility and therefore make decisions accurately for family planning. This is not the rhythm method... oh, no it is not! It is scientifically based and it recognizes that all women are different and so are their cycles. It's kind of a beautiful thing.

When I first heard about NFP I just did not understand because I at the time did not know my body. All around me I saw girls using all different kinds of contraceptives with really no regard to what is happening inside of them. You see women are not fertile 24/7. In fact they really only have a window of hours to days when they can have sex and actually conceive a child. It amazes me that at one point I didn't know this and it continues to amaze me how many men and women still don't know this.

People have told me that birth control pills are just easier. You just take a pill and you are "good to go." Well, it probably would be easier to just pop a pill everyday and assume that the magical pill will take care of everything. But there is so much more to all of it. I'm not just talking about the actual act of conceiving a baby. I'm talking about morality.

My handsome husband and myself.

I have very concrete, straight forward, no-exceptions-to-the-rule beliefs that may not be... popular. I believe in love. I believe that giving yourself to someone in a sexual way binds you to them emotionally forever. I don't think that is something that can be undone. I believe that sex belongs in marriage and in marriage alone because it is the complete gift of yourself. Now, if you are completely giving yourself to your spouse then you don't need to "protect" yourself from anything. Your spouse is not taking anything from you, he/she is completely giving himself to you, too. All giving, no taking. I'm not trying to be preachy, but this is what I ardently believe. And to be clear, I don't believe that people that contracept are damned to hell. I just don't believe that is how it is meant to be.

So as you can see BC and other forms of contraceptives were never an option for me and my sweet husband. However, we really did not know what our first year or so of marriage would look like financially with him still being a student, and it was not ideal for us to get pregnant right away. Plus, we had trouble figuring out where to put the dog kennel in our tiny one bedroom apartment. I think trying to fit a crib in would cause us to burst at the seams! ha ha! So we learned how to use NFP. We really want to have kids some day but up until now we have used NFP to avoid pregnancy successfully. And people said it couldn't be done!

The great news is that because we both know how my body works with regards to fertility when we are ready to start having children it will not take too long to achieve a pregnancy with NFP. Hopefully!

I realize I am far from eloquent and not the best with getting my point across so if anyone has any interest in learning about NFP you can always check out iusenfp.com. It was co-started by a close friend of mine and has some excellent information. It's pretty phenom! I am also a fan of 1flesh. It has some pretty awesome stories about NFP but it's main focus is the negative side of contraceptives. And PS these are both secular sites. If you want something more religiously based Read Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. It's so freaking awesome I could hardly wrap my mind around it! Or you can visit this site. Or you can talk to me! Just remember... not eloquent over here! ha

Spread the love, ya'll!

What I DID Sunday

I had kind of a crazy weekend. I worked Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the hospital and while I usually don't have a weak stomach I saw some of the most horrific things I will probably ever see in my life. Unbelievable. I will leave it at that. Usually things are pretty calm on the weekend but this was abnormal... in many ways.

I had every intention of coming home last night and posting a picture of "What I Wore Sunday" which would be my scrubs but at the end of the shift yesterday one of my nurse friends says, "I'm going home and drinking wine. Who's with me?" And guess what... I was so there. In fact, we were all feeling like wine was a necessity and my entire unit of nurses from yesterday went! It was so fun and relaxing!

I told my dear sweet husband that I would be home around 10pm. That really was my intention! But I must have been having fun wine-ing it up at my friend's house because I was shocked when he texted me at 10:45pm asking if I had left yet! Oops! Thankfully, Patrick is the most understanding man I know and he was just happy I was getting out and having fun. I love him :)

Spending time with my work friends outside of our relatively stressful work environment made me realize how lucky I am. I know I talk about how much I love my job all the time but the people I work with are pretty phenomenal IMHO. We all come from different backgrounds and are different ages and stages of life but we get along so well. I can't imagine most people have that same experience. I feel very blessed.

So now you know why I failed to contribute to What I Wore Sunday... again. It was well worth it though!

Have a lovely week, ya'll!

7 Quick Takes #2

1. After all of our travels throughout Christmas and New Years we are finally back to our normal lives. As much fun as we had I think we are both a little bit relieved to get back to a regular routine! In fact, I am typing this as I try to scramble out the door for work. I have a feeling it's going to be a busy weekend!

2. I haven't run in WEEKS! This is a shame because I really do love running and I got some cute workout clothes for Christmas. Problem is... it's January and our Apartment complex workout center is packed with people that have made new years resolutions to loose weight which seems to be the trend. It is unreal. I used to go for an hour and a half and not see a soul. Now I can't even find an open machine! And since I refuse to run outside in the cold... I guess I will have to postpone my running for now until people start failing at their resolutions.

3. I love Christmas Decorations. I love putting them up. HATE taking them down. I spend all day Tuesday taking down my decorations. I have a few battle scars from fighting with the Christmas tree too. No bueno.

4. I finished reading "House of Gold" and I loved it. It was still not as good as "Pierced by a Sword" but it was a close second. I was kind of sad to finish it because I loved the characters so much. It's like saying good bye to a friend that you will never see again. And yes... I knwo I sound crazy. I think that's a sign I need to get a life.

5. I started reading "My Brother, the Pope!" I thought it would be kind of a hard one to read and get into but I can't put it down! I am falling in love with the Ratzinger family! It is truly amazing! No wonder both boys became priests with a devout family like that! I hope one day when I have kids that one of my boys will grow up to be a priest! That would be wonderful!

6. Patrick and I are going carb-less. I sort of despise dieting of any kind but I will tell you what.. this works. We are both already back to what we were before the holidays. That didn't take long!

7. I got a guitar for Christmas and I am obsessed with it. I don't know how to play at all but I am teaching myself and it is so fun! I have always wanted to learn and now I finally am! I hope it goes well. If anybody has any good references for people that are brave enough to try and teach themselves... let me know! My fingertips are perpetually throbbing from all the practicing I've been doing! haha

Have a great weekend ya'll!

Content

I feel like our world looks down on people that are not constantly moving forward or moving on to the next best thing. We are lazy if we don't work to get a better job or make more money or get a bigger house. Why can't we just be content with our lives as they are?

Don't get me wrong... I do want to one day move out of my one bedroom apartment and I would love a bigger pay check. It's unsettling to me though that I have been out of college for a year and a half and people are already saying, "What is next for you?" "Where would you like to be?"

I'm here! Can we slow down a tad please!? I love my job! There is literally nothing I would change about my job. It is my perfect match. One day I may want something that is a little slower paced but right now I am happy. I am content. I don't think I should be made to feel guilty for that.

Being in my twenties, I have a lot to look forward to in my life and I do dream about the days when I have a house and little redheaded kids running around. I think about that kind of thing just about every day but right now, I am at peace with the way my life is going. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that!

Anyone else feel like the world is pushing us to move a little too fast?

Pay Attention.

 I have so much I want to write about since I took roughly two weeks off of my usual routine to be with family for Christmas and New Years but now that I am sitting down to type it all out I can't quite organize my thoughts.

Patrick and I spent the days leading up to Christmas with his family in his hometown. I got to spend time with my brother-in-law and Patrick's best friend from his childhood. We went out into the country and did a little shooting. The guys loved the shooting the clays but I hate the kick of the shotgun so I stuck to my hand gun and did a little target practice. It was SO cold but it was really fun. We went to Christmas Eve Mass at the little Catholic Church, Mary Queen of Angels. It was lovely. We came home and had a nice meal and I opened my presents before I had to hit the road back to Kansas City.

I worked on Christmas Day and the day after. It was mostly uneventful at work which was frankly a nice break from the usual. Everyone was really in the Christmas spirit hugging each other and asking about each others families. It was very unique for the work place!

As soon as I got off work on the 26th I went home, loaded up the car with my husband and my dog and headed to the in-laws again. The next morning we woke up bright and early and made our way to Texas to see my family! I swear I will never lose that excitement that I always feel when I get to go home again. The drive was long and people drove like idiots but we made it in one piece. Thankfully. Mom had the whole Christmas dinner prepared for us when we got home! It was so good! And after dinner we opened presents and spent time catching up on what we had missed of Christmas Day.

While Patrick and I were in Texas we went with my family to San Antonio for New Years. I had been there many times in the past and so I was not surprised by any sight seeing we did. It was all fun though and it was cool for Patrick to see everything for the first time. PLUS, Patrick's parents drove down to San Antonio and we got to ring in the new year with (almost) our whole family!!! Here are some photos of the trip:

Patrick and I outside the Alamo Church

"Little" brother, Christopher, Dad, myself and Patrick on the Riverwalk
(you would never know I am six feet tall in this picture)

Little sister, Rachel, St. Anthony and I on the Riverwalk

Ringing in the new year with Patrick and his parents outside the Alamo

Patrick, Christopher, me and Rachel

Siblings at breakfast one morning

The whole family (minus Nathan and Brian)

The best part of the trip in my mind though was when we celebrated mass at St. Joseph's parish. It was just a normal Feast Day mass but the priest said something that really hit me. It was New Years Eve and he was talking about people making New Years Resolutions. I have never been one to make a resolution... I guess because January 1st doesn't feel like a beginning to me. If I want to make a change in my life I can do that any day really. Anyways, he said if we want to make a resolution it should be to "pay attention."

Pay attention. What am I supposed to paying attention to? It was sort of a cryptic message. I started thinking about it as I was sitting there in mass. God is here. God is present in every aspect of my life but maybe I am not always paying attention to what God is saying. If I do not feel God's presence in my life than maybe the problem is not that God is holding out on me.... maybe I'm not paying attention. Now don't get me wrong here. It's not that I feel like I have this huge loss or this absence of God. It is nothing like that. But maybe there is more to all this that I am just not seeing.

Ever since The Year of Faith has started I have felt something. I guess you could call it an urgency but maybe I am stealing that word subconsciously from the Year of Faith Prayer we say at mass. I don't know. All I know is that I believe that God is here and He is big and He is working. How can I go about my daily life and not recognize His work? So my vow is to pay attention. I don't even know what I am paying attention to... like I said... but it's something.

I also feel that I should recommend to anyone who reads my blog (so pretty much my mom and maybe 5 other people haha) to pray the St. Michael the Archangel Prayer daily. For one, I believe that prayer is a powerful one and also because St. Michael is a beast. As is Mother Mary... so Hail Mary's are great as well :)

What I Wore Sunday #5

I have been M.I.A. from the blogging/social media world for the last 2 weeks. The holidays and all my travels have been amazing and I didn't want to be on my computer for any of it. I was able to spend LOTS of time with the fam in Texas and Patrick and I got to just relax. It was great!

Since we spent 12 hours in the car yesterday and came home to a mess of an apartment I spent most of my Sunday doing umpteen loads of laundry, cleaning, putting things away and preparing for a start of a new week. Sad news is... I still have to take down Christmas Decorations :(

So here is what I wore to Mass tonight:

Top: LOFT (thrifted)
Skinnies: Macy's
Boots: Shoe Carnival

I don't know how I feel about this outfit. I don't really understand how the shirt is supposed to look. I have worn it a couple times and it never seems to look quite right on me. Oh, well... not my best.

Check out some awesome Mass outfits over at Fine Linen and Purple!




Expect all kinds of updates in the near future! I have some decent posts up my sleeves!